Free spirit

A girl fighting for love and wanting to be loved, she wore jeans to her wedding she was only sixteen. She didn't get a diamond ring and she didn't care all she knew was that she was no longer there.. around the fights and drugs all her days in and out of the house without delays.. she knew there was more to life than just getting by I know that sometimes its okay to cry , her mother and her never got along she didn't tell her till she was six months along. The doctor said it's a girl she was so happy and the next part is a little sappy...but when that little baby girl looked into her mothers eyes a mothers love she realized. I have gone through life feeling all alone but everyone needs something of there own...and now I'm not your problem and its a better day, you always said i was in the way.. now I'm gone and you want in I'm sorry its too late my heart is closed I'm not having this debate, I have finally found my path in life and you will not push me down like you have before its your turn to feel the cold I've felt, I've slammed the door. I'm not sorry anymore

My panic attacks.

My heart pounds and my face turns red, nothing make sense and I just want to curl up in my bed. All the thoughts racing through mind, I swear it feels like I am going blind. So many times I have cried over this, It is on repeat in my mind only slower Will it ever be over?? I will never understand why you did this to my baby she never hurt a soul.. my heart is turning to coal. Dark, black and hot out of anger..I ask myself would it have hurt more if you were a stranger? I hate you so much yet we share the same mom, she always took your side even when you were wrong....I don't care you can have her, She always saw me as a blur.. I cannot trust this feeling of healing, She is fine and smiles everyday but I don't think I will ever be okay. It haunts my nights and my days, No medication makes it go away. I cannot sleep for fear of missing something, I cannot eat for the lingering.. of nausia. I lay down and breath in deep, even then It does not sleep. A monster inside me that awakes my pain, It comes and goes like the rain. I cannot control it and it scares me to death I feel like I have nothing left.. to give. I am scared and alone but I must live. I will never forgive you for the way you altered my life, But I am a strong mother and Wife. The doctor says the pills will work, It will for a while but still it lurks. I will find a way someday to fight it ...on my own without a blanket. I must be strong for my baby for someday she will be a lady. I will show her what is right from wrong and make sure she knows I believed in her her all along. I will never leave her in the dark for she is my light and I am her spark.

My Love

Love can make you feel so broken and without hope, It like climbing an uphill slope, your worth the pain but it is a never ending chain. You cannot be here when I need you, I tried to fight it but my love just grew. It is my whole heart that you have stole, I hate how your eyes can see right into my soul. I have tried to forget this and move on, and then I cry because you are gone. I can't help but wonder why we go on.. How long can my heart take it, can this love really make it? We are worlds apart when will we end... and where do we start? I love you so much and it kills me to know that I can't keep going with the flow. Your smile makes me weak, It is so hard for me to speak, My heart says stay.. my mind says go.. What I shall choose I do not know. I do know every moment with you has been worth the pain but I cannot lie it is driving me insane. I will always love you no matter what should happen to us, I just wish you would ask me.. my answer would be yes.

Things go wrong, people do wrong and people say things they don't mean I believe that that means their heart is unclean. They are harsh and have cold eyes they cannot hide the lies, under a shadow there is hope to have faith and to cope with the struggle they have placed before you. It is hard to get past the lies and tears, having to face your fears, nomatter the weight it has on your heart don't let it tear you apart, You must stand up and face it and break down the wall look fate in the face nomatter how tall. It will not weaken my spirit or break me down it will only make me try harder to put guys like you down!

Love, ah love

Shakespeare said "Journey's end in lover's meeting" What a wonderful and brilliant thought. I think about love alot, probably more than most but i am still amazed by its reluctant power to alter and define our lives and our very nature. Shakespeare also said "love is blind" and that i know is true, from previous experience that i will not go into. Love can destroy a person but it can also teach someone how wonderful life is, how amazing it is to just be here alive.. breathing, living, loving... being near that special person can make your troubles easier to bear.. and it is true that for some.. love can fade... or can be simply lost forever, love can also be found and even if only for just one night.. It is still worth it. There is a difference between loving someone and being in love....and I am in love. If you have had heartaches.. remember this.. love can open you up but it can shut you down too.. nomatter what you have the strength for happiness and memories like that, memories of sharing a moment with someone who sees only you.. will last longer than any heartbreak. I know that love is searching for me...